Nokia N96 Kickstand

Today I give you three technological trends that signal the rising pervasiveness of pornography:

1. “Private Browsing” on desktop computers.

Apple’s Safari was the first desktop browser with this feature, enabling you to surf prurient sites with wild abandon and not worry about anything being stored in your browser history. The perils of not clearing your browser history are effectively (and hilariously) illustrated in this cartoon.

So now Internet Exploder and even Firefox are following suit with porn-friendly modes of their own. Are people becoming so lazy that we need our web browsers to cover our tracks for us, or are the very notions of cache, cookies and history becoming too much for the average computer user to understand?

2. Kickstands on media devices, like Nokia’s N96 (shown above).

This one is especially creepy. If I’m going to watch something on a 3-inch screen I’ll be holding it with two hands pretty close to my face. And if my eyesight was better I’d still have the screen no further than my lap. And why would I possibly need to put my media device on my night table and have my hands free? Only one reason I can think of…

3. In-flight porno?!1!

Flight attendants on American Airlines are concerned that passengers will be stretching the limits of “in-flight entertainment” when WiFi access becomes available on their aircraft, so their union is fighting for the right to filter content on the service.

I personally would have no problem with this, though it does raise some legitimate questions about the possibility of blocking other sites — like competing airlines, for example. But what blows my mind is that a passenger would even consider looking at such stuff in the company of other people. And the bathroom lineups are already bad enough, thank-you very much…

Okay, so the last time I tried using Air Canada’s paperless mobile check-in I got a message that my Nokia S60 handset, the world’s most popular mobile OS running on the world’s bestselling handset, wasn’t supported.

This time I actually got an SMS from AC, actually two — one with a helpful reminder of my flight number and departure time and the other with a link to the 2D barcode you see above.

You should have seen the look of abject terror on the counter agent’s face when I giddily showed her this at the airport. She made a feeble attempt to scan it with a reader she had then promptly asked me for my passport and printed up the usual paper boarding document.

Maybe I’ll have a better experience in Tokyo in a couple of weeks…

Now that I’m officially a Nokia Ambassador I’m happy to report that my trusty E61i more than proved it’s worth on my three-hour return trip home to Toronto from Bermuda yesterday.

Seated beside me on that flight was a kid on his first flight ever – and he was travelling alone! I felt bad for the brave little guy for the fact that we were on an older aircraft that didn’t have an individual entertainment centre for every single seat, so I offered up my Nokia to help him pass the time.

He spent about half an hour on S-tris alone, and after he told me that he had a modded Xbox in his knapsack as carry-on I figured he could handle the Nintendo games on my emulators from Vampent. I guessed correctly.

Towards the end of the flight I even powered up Nokia Maps for a quick geography lesson (the difference between New York City and New York State).

Will this newly-crowned international jet-setter choose an S60 device for his first mobile when the day comes? Here’s hoping…

In preparation for my annual trip to Bermuda and its Film Festival I thought I’d go paperless with Air Canada’s new Mobile Check-in service. And predictably, instead of ending up with a 2D barcode I got the message seen in the screen grab above.

Just so I’m clear on this… I have a phone running the number one smartphone OS in the world, made by the world’s number one handset manufacturer, and yet it’s not recognized by Air Canada.

My bad, clearly…

Fast Track, my favourite travel show on BBC World, had a feature this past week about two companies, AeroMobile and OnAir, set to launch in-flight mobile phone services to European airlines sometime this year.

I myself can’t imagine a fate worse than having to endure some asshat in the seat beside me spending a 15-hour flight to Hong Kong yakking it up with someone on the other end of the line:

“They’re serving dinner… Should I get chicken or beef?”

“I’m looking out the window now — still only clouds…”

“They’re starting the movie… Have you seen Multiplicity?”

And so on.

I would, however, love to be able to surf the web, check my email, send and receive texts — you know, all those things you can do quietly and respect the environment and people around you?

Somewhat surprisingly, the FCC in the US and A continues to ban this idea, despite mounting evidence that there’s no danger to aircraft avionics. Could it be that the American government is using safety as an excuse to protect loudmouth passengers from themselves? And could it also be that Europeans, with their more advanced handsets, are therefore more advanced (i.e. more courteous) users?

I’d like to think so, but unfortunately I know from experience that it’s just not the case…

A quick hello from the Senator Lounge in Frankfurt Airport…

The last time I was here was in August of 2004 en route to Cape Town, South Africa. I’m once again grateful for the chance to wash away the remnants of my overnight flight from Toronto with a quick shower, and before I board my Egypt-bound flight I’m going to do a little price-checking in the Terminal — just for fun, of course…

Next stop, Cairo!

You’re looking at a lovely photo of downtown Cairo, Egypt that I found on Flickr… It’s where I’ll be ringing in the New Year, thanks in no small part to the community at FlyerTalk Forums.

I’ve been scheming a post-Christmas holiday ever since I got back from New Zealand — I need to top up my Star Alliance miles in order to keep my hoity-toity Aeroplan status for 2008. It’s the perfect season to visit Hong Kong but I’ve already been there three times, and since I’ll be travelling solo it’s a good opportunity for something new. Dubai was another option, but a quick poll of FlyerTalk members left me with the impression that it’s little more than the Vegas of the Middle-East. And they censor the internet there. Boo.

While researching flights to Dubai I found out that Lufthansa, a Star Alliance partner, also flies to Cairo, Egypt. Not only that, but they were listing a sweet little deal on a round-trip from Toronto, using Air Canada metal to Frankfurt, even!

I bookmarked the Lufthansa site and checked in on the fare every couple of days, figuring that with the travel dates so far off the price wouldn’t change in the foreseeable future. But then, late last Friday night, I was horrified to find that my very affordable economy fare had suddenly quadrupled in price!

In a panic I turned back to FlyerTalk, and someone who was online there found me the exact same flights through Orbitz.com, for only a bit more than Lufthansa’s original cost. My theory on what happened is this: Lufthansa had an expiry date on the cheap seats, and when I checked in it was already past midnight in Germany so I missed the deadline. If I remember correctly it was also just past midnight in Toronto, but Orbitz, with their offices in the Midwestern US and A, were an hour behind on their local time and therefore able to deliver a ticket at the cheaper price.

Whatever the case it all worked out, and it’s nice to be reminded that the community spirit exists both online and off!

Step right up, one and all… Here’s your chance to be part of aviation history!

If you haven’t heard, Singapore Airlines has bagged the maiden voyage of the monstrous Airbus A380, and they’re auctioning the seats on eBay for charity!

And the best part is, you don’t have to go alone… This fearless world traveler will gladly accompany you on this historic flight — all you have to do is buy him a ticket!

Our adventure will start as we make our way to the point of embarkation, the wonder down under: Stunning Sydney, Australia (make sure you budget enough to fly me here and back to Toronto as well)… We can enjoy a pint at the very same pub where I exchanged awkward pleasantries with a genuine Aussie lass in 2002, and you can see firsthand the actual supermarket where I bought a jar of vegemite as a souvenir…

Once on-board the mighty Airbus this experienced globe-hopper will show you his secrets to long-haul flying, like going to the bathroom when you need to and taking your shoes off so your feet don’t explode!

Once in Singapore you’ll be treated to a grand tour (at your expense) of famous landmarks from Second City’s back-to-back theatrical runs in 2001 and 2002, including The Robertson Quay Hotel and that theatre across the street where we did our shows — what was it called again?

An opportunity like this only comes along once in a lifetime (until Singapore Airlines starts its regularly-scheduled service with this aircraft, immediately after the first flight), so act now!

A pair of return tickets can be yours for less than $30K CAD (business class is more — I like business class). And if you’re a bit strapped for cash, why not send me off alone to document the trip for you? With all the production delays this thing has endured, I’m sure to meet a fiery death somewhere over the Pacific…

Boeing rules!

24 hours ago as of this writing I was enjoying an awesome beachside brunch at The Maranui Café. Not exactly sure what Derek was looking at here… Possibly Fiona’s pin?

What separates the Maranui from your typical Queen Street Toronto brunch, you ask? How about this breathaking view from its patio, for starters…

Here’s me modeling the outfit I’ll have worn for a cumulative 30 hours by the time I touch down in Toronto early tomorrow morning. I won’t pretend for a moment that I smell “April fresh”. So far I’ve endured getting lost on the Inter-Terminal Walkway at Auckland Airport and have once again been forced to go through the gulag-style security checkpoint at LAX for no good reason.

All I can say is thanks god for the Koru Lounge — there’s a Maple Leaf Lounge here too but why set myself up for disappointment? I checked in at Koru, had a much-needed shower and am now in the Business Centre with a piping hot cup of coffee and fast internet connection for my MacBook, assuming I can stay awake for another 5 hours until my flight takes off for Toronto…

Kia Ora from Auckland! As you can see, I’m all set-up for Skype and such in my hotel room, though internet access in the lobby is cheaper — $5 NZD per hour vs. 68¢ per minute upstairs! Since time is money, let’s get to it…

My flight across the Pacific was a breeze, and took a mere 12 hours as opposed to the 16 I thought it would. Sharing the upstairs cabin with me was none other than Phil Keoghan from The Amazing Race. I didn’t realize this until we de-planed and was going to introduce myself, but he seemed occupied with shooting home movies of his two daughters walking through the arrivals hall so I thought it best not to disturb him. I think I may have accidentally gotten into one of the shots, though…

I just wish someone like him was sitting beside me for the flight — instead I got stuck with this dude in his 60s who reeked of old man smell. At what point exactly does an adult male figure it’s okay to revert to bathing on a weekly basis? Maybe the guy had flown all the way from Heathrow (where NZ 001 originates from), but the lounge at LAX did have showers. Whatever the case I was desparately searching my complimentary toiletry bag for nose plugs!

My hotel, which apparently offers public parking…

We landed in Auckland before sunrise, and since I had breakfast on the plane I proceeded directly to the hotel gym, where I shared a revitalizing workout with three young ladies who I think were from either Spain or Portugal. And modest as I am I can still say with confidence that I was the best looking guy in the room!

After that it was time to get some bearings on the neighbourhood. It was raining and a bit windy, but I’m only pouting because I dropped my damned camera on the sidewalk. It’s surprisingly banged up for a single fall (with an additional terrifying bounce or two), but still works at least…

I definitely picked the right hotel — attached to it is a mall with a nice selection of cheap international eats, and out on the streets there’s a ton of shops housed in funky old buildings, like the Strand Arcade seen above.

Look, they have a Queen Street here, too!

It’s definitely low season for tourists; walking around the downtown core I get the sense that this place could hold a lot more people, even with the sidewalk construction. The locals seem to be an equal mix of Asians, Maori and Whites. Lots of mixed couples, as well — nothing wrong with that…

Is this the famous Auckland waterfront or just the ferry terminal? I was a bit underwhelmed, and may have to come back to further investigate.

Ferries serve nearby islands like the historic seaside suburb (tourist trap?) of Devonport, or can take you on a tour of the harbour. I’ll pick a day with better weather for that.

I’ll also wait for clearer skies before I visit the Sky Tower, as it’s right across the street from my hotel…

After my reconnaissance of the area I succumbed to jet lag for the rest of the afternoon, waking up just in time for dinner and this web posting opportunity. Now it’s 1am and (hopefully) time for bed. More tomorrow…