Lest you think this humble site has become a travel blog, I’m reporting again today on my Nokia E61i, which continues to impress, and particularly while travelling. Here’s why:

Despite its “average” 2-megapixel imager, the built-in camera on my E61i has many practical applications, like remembering your hotel room number when you stumble home to bed, or to MMS your new friends to tell them where the party’s at!

The camera also came in handy to document my dieting triumphs, like the bircher muesli and raspberry yogurt combo I had for breakfast at my Wellington Hotel, and disasters, like the marshmallow coconut & fruit pudding with a side of licorice that I succumbed to at the Koru Lounge during my layover at LAX. Twice.

The second most-used feature of my E61i was the built-in WiFi radio. Nokia thoughtfully put this little alert right on the home screen. I had it running pretty much all day, and unlike my TyTN it hardly drained the battery at all.

The bad news was that in most places I had to pay for WiFi access to the internet. The Crowne Plaza in Auckland sold these prepaid cards for $5 NZD. Much like a calling card, you scratch off the back to reveal an access code to get on the ‘net in the lobby and in the adjacent shopping mall.

The Intercontinental in Wellington wasn’t quite as cheap. When I inquired about the wireless network in the lobby the young man at the front desk came to my table in the hotel restaurant and offered to hook me up at the rate of $49.95 NZD for 24 hours, to which I immediately spat out my cup of coffee into his face.

But the wondrous Air New Zealand Koru Lounge was another story altogether. Access to their WiFi network is free, but you must obtain a username and password from the front desk. It changes every month to discourage amateur packet sniffers… Works for me!

The only stunt I couldn’t pull with my Nokia was making a VoIP call using fring and its built-in support for Skype. This had nothing to do with the Skype outage of last week and everything to do with fring. Fortunately there are other options available, which I’ll be trying out and reporting on at a future date.

And finally, flying across 16 time zones was made a little less bewildering by WorldMate (the light version is available free of charge for E-Series users) and by a feature I’ve never seen on any other GSM handset — the ability to auto-magically grab the appropriate time from the local network.

Now if only my E61i could help me with my jet lag…

24 hours ago as of this writing I was enjoying an awesome beachside brunch at The Maranui Café. Not exactly sure what Derek was looking at here… Possibly Fiona’s pin?

What separates the Maranui from your typical Queen Street Toronto brunch, you ask? How about this breathaking view from its patio, for starters…

Here’s me modeling the outfit I’ll have worn for a cumulative 30 hours by the time I touch down in Toronto early tomorrow morning. I won’t pretend for a moment that I smell “April fresh”. So far I’ve endured getting lost on the Inter-Terminal Walkway at Auckland Airport and have once again been forced to go through the gulag-style security checkpoint at LAX for no good reason.

All I can say is thanks god for the Koru Lounge — there’s a Maple Leaf Lounge here too but why set myself up for disappointment? I checked in at Koru, had a much-needed shower and am now in the Business Centre with a piping hot cup of coffee and fast internet connection for my MacBook, assuming I can stay awake for another 5 hours until my flight takes off for Toronto…

My final full day in Auckland didn’t turn out quite like I’d hoped it would…

The first of only two big items on my itinerary was to see a Kiwi (bird) at the Auckland Zoo. I guess what happened is that the third straight day of sunny weather brought out all the stupid people and their children, and they arrived en masse at the zoo just moments before me.

World’s largest salt lick? This short video of a tiger was ruined by an oblivious woman who saw it fit to park her fat ass directly in front of my lens. Thanks for that…

Despite signs everywhere asking people not to feed the animals someone thought it would be good for a larf to pour some milk into a crevice in the exotic bird aviary. Hope these poor guys can handle type 2 diabetes!

Because Kiwis are nocturnal the zoo has set up a special indoor habitat to view them. If you think it looks serene, consider that on my side of the netting was a never-ending parade of ugly, stupid urchins repeatedly stating the obvious: “It’s dark, mommy, it’s dark…”

Fortunately the zoo has also fitted a small camera to where the Kiwis nest. Of course if they were really clever they’d stream this on their website thus saving me the twenty-dollar admission and another twenty for the cab ride out there.

But there was another live Kiwi viewing at the Native Fauna Encounter, a daily scheduled event. Here’s the best footage of the bird I could get. It begins and ends rather abruptly because my camera only records video in 30-second increments.

Okay, so here’s video proof that it’s not just me. The trainer had explicitly stated that the animals he was about to reveal were very skittish, and asked for quiet on their behalf. Watch him lose his cool as a trio of little shitbags in the back refuse to sit down and shut the fuck up as asked.

Not 10 seconds after this recording ended the poor frazzled bird ran in terror to the safety of another trainer behind the scenes. And just like that the encounter was over. Awesome.

This was the second big item on my itinerary for the day, a tour of Auckland’s Harbour by boat. Unfortunately the cab stand outside the zoo had somehow disappeared by the time I was ready to leave, so I had to walk out to the highway and catch a bus. And despite way too many stops the driver flew back into the downtown core, but I still managed to miss the last boat of the day by about 3 minutes.

So I drowned my sorrows in a local indulgence and headed back to my hotel in defeat…

Tomorrow it’s on to Wellington, where I may not be posting as regularly due to friends I’ll be visiting with there. I’ll do my best…

Back home in the T-dot they’re tearing up the concrete floors of the parking lot beneath me. The noise is so bad that I’ve moved my car to my mom’s place and refused my monthly car payment in protest. So imagine how thrilled I was to wake up to the sounds of hotel renovation a couple of floors above me. Actually that’s not true — I wasn’t woken up the noise because I never really feel asleep…

I headed downstairs for my first complimentary breakfast only to find the hotel restaurant full of golf shirts and bad khakis — apparently there’s some kind of conference going on at the convention centre across the street.

Despite the crowds I received prompt coffee refills until I unknowingly did something to piss my waitress off, after which she made a point of carrying her urn of black gold to every table but mine. I left her a generous tip anyway; maybe tomorrow we can be friends again.

Then it was back to the gym, and may I just say that it would be nice for someone else to have to stare at my tight ass for a change…

Here’s yours truly towering over Auckland in the Sky Tower’s Sky Deck. The photo was taken by a lovely couple from Hamilton (New Zealand, not Ontario).

From this vantage point I confirmed that there was more to the city’s waterfront than I seen the day before. That’s Harbour Bridge in the Background. You can bungee jump off of it, but that’s not surprising — you can bungee off of pretty much anything in this town.

I’m not kidding — you can even jump off of the Sky Tower! Just aim for that tiny red target at street level below.

Here’s another view of the Crowne Plaza. Click on the photo to see the Auckland Museum in the background, courtesy of Flickr. I’m holding out for Te Papa in Wellington.

Before I knew it the lunch hour arrived, so I took the opportunity to sample my first meat pie, from Pie Mania. This one was steak and cheese, and delicious!

Here’s something I haven’t seen since my first trip to Tokyo — a Toyota WiLL. I saw an ad on TV last night where a car salesman said something about being able to import vehicles directly from Japan. If this is true, Kiwi drivers are a lucky bunch indeed…

En route back to the waterfront I stopped by the Victoria Park Market. It’s pretty much a tourist trap.

A handy feature for visitors to Auckland is maps like this one. They’re on almost every corner in the downtown core.

The south end of the waterfront features high end hotels, snazzy restaurants and these harbour-facing condos, which I’m sure are very affordable…

A segregated Auckland?! Not quite — it’s the name of the national rugby team. Don’t think I’ll be bringing any official merchandise home, though.

Despite their festive headgear these asshats sold me possibly the worst salad of my entire adult life. That’s what you get when you try to save a buck on dinner…

In case you were worried that this blog was turning into a smartphones-only destination, here’s something a bit different…

Since my birthday last April I’ve lost about 20 lbs. Yay me. Anyhoo, the way I’ve been doing it is to find healthier substitutes for the crap I usually eat, like replacing a side of fries with a salad, a tub of chocolate almonds with a small handful — that kind of thing.

Stepping in for my summer milkshake fetish have been these awesome low calorie fruit smoothies from Danone. And for someone who lives dangerously close to both a McDonald’s and a Baskin-Robbins they’ve been an absolute godsend!

So imagine my dismay when the product started disappearing from local supermarkets. My first reaction was that they were flying off the shelves due to their popularity — I often had to settle for the wild berries flavour (blech!) because the vastly superior strawberry-orange-banana combo was nowhere to be found.

But my worst fears were confirmed when an email query sent to Danone was promptly answered with this:

Unfortunately, Silhouette Smoothie is no longer available because the sales volume no longer justified production.

I would have thought that my eight bucks a week would have been enough to keep the product line in the black, but apparently not. And the problem is that there’s really nothing comparable. I could drink Yop but their TV ads terrify me:

In desperation I even tried Danone’s smoothie for kids, but the damn portions are too small — what’s that about?!

If anyone knows of a comparable product available in Canada please let me know. In the meantime I guess I’ll have to make do with regular yogurt like the rest of you philistines…

Today I present a photo journey through the excess that was my dinner last night at The Red Violin on the Danforth in Toronto. For those of you who’ve never experienced a Brazilian Rodizio, read on and be amazed…

Yup, you guessed it — this is merely the appetizer plate from the salad bar! Hey, at least I didn’t fill up on bread…

Once we signaled our waitress the relentless parade of meat began. Here’s what we all agreed was the tastiest cut.

Ray Deonandan, the evil evil man who brought me here.

I’m pretty sure I was the first to cry “uncle” — I just wish I’d done it a few tens of ounces sooner.

The meal comes to a halt only when a patron holds up this red card like so. Then it’s time for dessert barbeque. I’m not kidding!

Pretty soon the entire table was seeing red…

If I do ever go back to one of these places I’ll be way more selective about what I put in my mouth, which is probably good advice to follow whether you’re at a Brazilian BBQ or not!

Houston, we have a problem…

It’s not that Burrito Boyz isn’t in every way deserving of its massive success—their halibut burrito is good enough to have weaned me from my pre-Conservatory Class slice of pizza at Mamma’s around the corner. It’s just that both of the downtown Toronto locations have become so busy at all hours of the day and night that going in and ordering something is an intimidating affair.

And forget about finding a seat to enjoy your meal; you’ll have to make do with a nearby alleyway or nightclub stoop. But the passers-by won’t mind—they’re likely on their way to Burrito Boyz too!

The biggest single item on my to-do list before leaving for Bermuda tomorrow is to cure myself of a nasty habit I picked up the last time I was there. That’s right, I’m talking about Slim-Fast Bars…

For more than a year these little wonders had been the perfect dietary supplement for someone like myself with an unabashed sweet-tooth—that is until the missus had a look at the ingredients and asked “Is there really chrome in these things?”

Chromium Chloride, to be exact, apparently an essential trace mineral that metabolizes fats and carbs. With it, these little bars made for a nice lump in my gut that lasted longer than your average chocolate bar. But as my body is becoming quite efficient at digesting them these days, and I’m getting a little tired of both the bland taste and persistent acne I think it’s high time to give them up. The good news is that I’ve amassed a small fortune of Shoppers Optimum Points stocking my cupboard with them, so I can get all the zit creme I need for free!

… What, too much information?

So far the LinLyn and I are three for three in Japanese meals… After we checked in to our hotel Thursday night I successfully re-traced my steps to my favourite Shibuya sushi bar. The next morning I treated her to the hotel’s decadent western-style breakfast buffet.

Last night we decided on some kind of cooked Japanese food, and ended up at the CoCo Curry House. This was the special of the day, deep-fried pork on a bed of rice, perched on the shores of a large pool of curry. The photo doesn’t do it justice—it was delicious!

I got my after-dinner coffee here, at the Excelsior Caffé. LinLyn remembered that this coffee chain was written up in the TimeOut guide back in our hotel room. Apparently it’s a direct knock-off of Starbucks and they had to change their logo slightly to avoid a lawsuit, which only made it taste better in retrospect…

… Wherein your humble author declares the victor in the ages-old battle for turkey dinner supremacy between Fran’s and The Tulip.

First up: Fran’s

Toronto’s oldest surviving diner (I think) scored points right off the bat for serving up their Thanksgiving special all weekend long. My ladyfriend and I took them up on it early Friday evening.

For $19.99 we got a three-course meal, including soup or salad to start. Knowing what was in store we both chose the salad, and were rewarded with a bowl of huge uncut chunks of iceberg lettuce soaking in a small pool of italian dressing.

And then, the main attraction…

Moving left to right, the bread was too dry to be of any practical use, the cranberry sauce was canned and the turkey/gravy combo merely average. Though it doesn’t look like much the stuffing was actually pretty good—maybe it was pan-fried? But the big surprise was those roasted ‘taters. Thanks to a generous dusting of seasoned salt they rocked! Oh yeah, the carrots were good too, but who cares?

Fran’s also got high marks for their pumpkin pie. Though it was served sans whipped cream—blasphemy!—it was obviously home-made, and the thin crust was delicious. Bonus points too for letting the missus sub out her pumpkin pie for a slice of apple. And I’m quite partial to Fran’s coffee as well.

Final Score: 3/5

Pros: Stuffing, ‘taters, pie, coffee.

Cons: The lonely drunk guy with the milkshake at the next booth who wouldn’t shut up.

Tulip Time

We visited the Tulip on Thanksgiving Monday at 8pm; fearing the infamous long lineups we were instead sat right away. It should be noted that the Tulip only serves their special on Sunday and Monday—points were subtracted accordingly. The score sank even further with their bland, watery coffee.

And here’s Tom Turkey!

For $12.99 you get all this… No plate-dusting necessary here—the mouth-watering gravy threatened to spill overboard if I didn’t start chowing down immediately. The turkey was nice and tender too, with a mound of soft, gravy-infused stuffing hiding underneath… Surprise! If the cran was canned it was at least banged up enough so as not to retain that telltale shape. The baby carrots were really the only weak point. Our waiter regretfully informed us that they were out of mashed potatoes, but home-fries did fine in their stead, so long as they were covered in that sweet, sweet gravy—which they were.

And that mountain of bread you see in background comes standard with any Tulip entree…

That $12.99 doesn’t include starters or dessert, but I had to order pie anyhow—just for comparison’s sake. It didn’t disappoint; as you can see, homemade whipped cream was there in abundance, but really… They had me at the gravy.

Final Score: 4/5

Pros: Price, serving size, gravy, real whipped cream..

Cons: No vomitorium on premises.

And with that, I do not wish to see any of the above-mentioned food groups until Christmas Day, at the earliest!