In case you haven’t noticed the weather is getting colder, and even the collective gurgling of humidifiers across the northern hemisphere can’t stop the inevitable cracking of my lips. So here as a public service is my verdict on the two big players in the lip care industry. Note that this is really of value only for men — I won’t for one second pretend to be an expert on lip gloss… Until it’s acceptable for me to wear it out in public, at least! 
First some background info… I’ve spent just about every winter of my adult life bouncing back and forth between lip care products. Chapstick, labello, Blistex… You name it, I’ve probably got some of it stashed away in some forgotten coat pocket.
The conspiracist in me gradually came to realize that these products were either doing more harm than good or just useless placebos. I tried using plain Vaseline, but it somehow felt dirty — plus there was no way I could carry around that ridiculously-large tub without looking like a total dork.
I’m pretty sure that Carmex went on sale in Canada while I was criss-crossing Northern Ontario with The Second City Touring Company in 1992 or ‘93. Nobody can deny that the yellow paste inside that little yellow jar packs a mean punch. In fact, urban myths about Carmex addiction are so rampant that the company has a page on their web site dispelling them. To quote:
“The U.S. Food and Drug Administration would not allow anybody to put fiberglass in a product for medicinal use.” Priceless!
For me, Carmex is just too strong. I find that the first application burns off a layer of dead skin, and a second scoop is needed to protect the virgin lip meat underneath. Also, the portable version isn’t a stick but an “EZ-ON applicator tube”, which always manages to break open somehow and turn the inside of my pocket into a miniature environmental disaster. Yuck.
The new kid in town is the “95.29% natural” Burt’s Bees Beeswax Lip Balm. Unlike the clinical Carma Laboratories product (they also make hemorrhoid cream, by the way — I’m just saying), Burt’s Bees seems to be bursting with hippy-dippy kumbaya goodness. In my local Shoppers Drug Mart there is a dizzying array of items for sale under the Burt’s Bees banner, plus no less than three different gift sets! I’ve heard enough people (mostly women) rave about the stuff that I figured I’d give it a try. And guess what? We have a new winner!
The wider, flatter tin is small enough to carry with you — I personally leave it at home, but only because I find myself applying it to my lips directly, kind of like eating the middle of an Oreo cookie. Yes, I’m sure it looks quite retarded, but you try applying the stuff with your finger without looking like Dr. Evil!
The stick version is maybe just a bit less effective, but so far so good.
And where it really trumps Carmex is in the taste department. Less medicine-y and more minty, which I’m hoping will come in handy for those unexpected under-the-mistletoe moments…
