Two and a half years ago when Apple made their infamous switch to Intel processors I called bullshit and got myself a cheap generic laptop to join the growing user base of Ubuntu Linux.

Everything worked as advertised, except for the built-in WiFi card. After jumping through many hoops I found a cheap plug-in WiFi adapter on eBay, but the whole experience left me feeling, well… something like this.

Cut to present day, and I’m the proud new owner (if a bit behind the curve) of a new Eee PC.

Just like a Mac, this Asus is a thing of beauty. It fits (barely) into my awesome Japanese man-bag and is a much better technological fit for me than Nokia’s Internet Tablet.

And everything works as advertised, except for one thing: The built-in WiFi.

See, I’ve got this awesome app on my Nokia called JoikuSpot, which basically turns my phone into a WiFi hotspot. It a great way to plow through at least some of my 6GB/month mobile data plan, and works amazingly well with both Mac and Windows computers.

But not, for some reason, with Linux — or at least this otherwise excellent implementation of it.

A kind soul has posted a helpful if kludgy solution which didn’t work at all for me. After almost an entire day of Googling, tweaking and frustration I’ve left a last-ditch call for help on the EeeUser forums. From there I’ll hopefully get some direction on how to proceed, but the whole experience has left me feeling… well, you know.

Despite the folks at Asus coming up with possibly the most user-friendly Linux UI yet, it doesn’t take much to pull back the curtain and find yourself face to face with a screen-full of indecipherable command-line gibberish as in the screen grab above.

What’s your verdict? Am I a total n00b who should just STFU and start learning terminal prompts, or is Linux still not ready for prime time?

On November 5th, 2004 I drove across the border from Canada into Upstate New York, to do some shopping at a local outlet mall. Being the day after President Bush’s re-election what struck me was how quiet everything was. Everything and everyone.

Despite the Greater Buffalo area having the appearance of a red state — that is, yellow ribbons on every door and “Support Our Troops” bumper stickers on every SUV — the mood there was anything but celebratory. I particularly remember looking around the tables at a small diner and watching all the sullen eyes staring downwards while John Kerry’s Concession speech blasted on the wall-mounted TV. It was as if every patron in the joint was thinking the same thing:

“Here we go again…”

And now on this Inauguration Day 2009, it seems that America’s got its groove back. It has once again become the land of opportunity and seems primed for (and I’ll take credit for this phrase) Camelot 2.0.

As a dual citizen of Canada and the US and A I wish all the best for my adopted second homeland. Please don’t mess this up, okay?

Uh-oh...

The Web is all abuzz this morning with news that a voice-prompted search service is on the way to iPhone users courtesy of the clever folks at Google. All I can say is, god help us all…

I’m a big proponent of mobile manners and I’m not afraid to let someone know when they’re disturbing the peace by yakking too loudly into their handset. I’ve so far been very lucky to have only once had to endure the unholy abomination that is Push-to-Talk, with some asshat wandering my local supermarket like an army commander on the battlefield: “What kind of milk should I get, over… You want the 2%? You can’t handle the 2%!“, and so on.

And now, thanks to your lazy thumbs, I’m going to have to sit on the streetcar surrounded by morans pretending they’re Captain Picard: “iPhone, where is the nearest Apple Store?”, “iPhone, what is Steve Jobs wearing today?”, “iPhone, what’s the URL of Apple.com?”, etc.

If this sounds like sour grapes because such a thing isn’t yet available for my Nokia believe me, it’s not. I use GOOG-411 all the time, but you know what? If I’m in a public place I find a quiet corner away from other people, or at least cover my mouth while talking at an appropriate level.

Okay, so now that I’ve got you all riled up I’ll come clean: I am of course being unfair in singling out iPhone users for bad mobile behaviour — not respecting your environment is a sin committed on all types of mobiles by all types of inconsiderate people. Consider this my plea to you: If you really want me to covet that wondrous iPhone of yours you’ll do the right thing and use your fancy new voice-activated Google search only in appropriate situations. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility…

WTF?!1!

In the same way that DVD region-coding has no place in this, the age of Amazon, eBay and unlocked players, television broadcasters have no business trying to restrict their content on the web.

I can illustrate from my own experience with two examples of how they’ve tried and failed:

1. Crossing Streams – I do a lot of my morning newsgathering courtesy of reddit.com, an awesome social bookmarking site run by the good folks at WIRED. Often there’s a link to a poignant Daily Show clip from the night before. But because I live in Canada, when I click through to see the video — or even to their home page for that matter — I get redirected from Comedy Central in the US and A to The Comedy Network in Cana-duh. If you’re also reading this from north of the 49th parallel try it for yourself and see what I mean.

So what’s the big deal, you ask? The very same Daily Show clips are available on both sites, after all…

Well, why exactly is this even necessary in the first place? If ComedyCentral.com is smart enough to figure out that I’m from Canada, surely it can be programmed to include IP addresses from this country as well.

Could it be that there is country-specific advertising that these two networks want to alternately block or force me to see? Wow, that sounds familiar… Kind of like television!

Thing is, the internet has this thing called a proxy server, where a site can be fooled into thinking a user is from somewhere else, and for those pesky ads Firefox has a plugin called AdBlock Plus.

Half-time score: Internet 1, Broadcasters 0.

2. iFailer – BBC’s much-lauded iPlayer was launched on Christmas Day, 2007 to bring the Beeb’s vast catalogue of programming ” to a mass, mainstream audience.” But while streaming radio is offered worldwide, on-demand video is currently UK only, despite most of the very same programming being available on BBC America, BBC Canada and another 20 or so channels around the world.

I have a personal interest in the iPlayer because of a just-announced client for S60 smartphones, but even though my handset gets me online anywhere in the world, you guessed it — the mobile version of iPlayer only works in the original Nanny State.

Of course, I could easily get around this with a Slingbox hooked up to my TV and a mobile client on my handset — not only is it entirely legal, but I can watch any channel I want from anywhere in the world!

Final tally: Internet 2, Broadcasters 0.

Let me be perfectly clear on this: Broadcasters, do not mess with our internet; you will fail. It’s called the World Wide Web for a reason — if you’re not willing to show whatever it is that you’re shilling to a global audience then please get the fuck off and leave us alone. Thank-you.

A typical Japanese handset

Kudos to the dedicated reporters at AppleInsider for their recent fluff piece, proudly proclaiming that the new iPhone 3G rocks the Japanese smartphone market.

Here’s the synopsis of this fine bit of reportage:

Mobile providers in Japan are crediting the launch of Apple’s iPhone 3G with dramatically shifting large numbers of subscribers between providers.

Such a bold statement would have you believe that Japanese handset makers are simultaneously committing seppuku at the arrival of the JeebusPhone on their native soil. There’s just one little problem here: While not technically incorrect, AppleInsider’s premise is far more truthiness than truth.

Following the first external link leads to a story about KDDI losing subscribers to rival carrier SoftBank because of the iPhone. The page also states that SoftBank currently boasts more than double the subscribers of the mighty DoCoMo — a bit hard to believe, given that DoCoMo reached the impressive milestone of 50 million subscribers back in 2005. In fact, the company experienced a 41% growth in profits for Q1 2008, and continues to lead the world in revenue from mobile data.

AppleInsider then proceeds to list Japan-specific handset features like “QC Codes” (actually QR) and the “impractical” 1seg broadcast video service. Impractical or not, 1seg is actually quite popular in Japan, and 20 million handsets supporting the free service have been sold there.

And finally, there’s this little chesnut:

“Just the interface itself is enough reason for me to buy the iPhone,” said Andrew Shuttleworth in a Macworld story exploring the iPhone’s potential in the Japanese market.

Good for you, Andrew Shuttleworth! I guess the fact that, (1) you shill for MacWorld and (2) you speak and read English, just like the owner of the only iPhone I actually saw in the wild when I was in Japan last month, doesn’t give you any kind of bias on such matters?

While I can’t fault AppleInsider for telling zombie Mac fanboys exactly what they want to hear, I can tell you from firsthand experience that rumours of the iPhone supplanting the most advanced mobile phone market in the world have been greatly exaggerated…

To understand where I’m coming from with today’s post you first need to understand why I no longer give change to homeless people…

Back in a previous life a bunch of my friends came to see me perform at The Second City, and on our way to drinks afterwards through the quiet streets of Toronto’s financial district we were suddenly besieged by a rather distraught man in suit and tie, freaking out because he had locked his wallet in his car and had no way of getting home. Now with this being the era preceding the ubiquity of mobile phones it seemed like a plausible enough story, so we all dug deep and between the five or so of us the guy made off with at least twenty bucks.

I say “made off with” because later that same week I witnessed the very same man in the very same suit spinning the very same bullshit tale to passers-by in broad daylight. Instantly realizing that my friends and I had been duped, I ran up to the guy and tore a strip off of him — verbally, of course. And ever since that day I’ve been wary of anyone asking for change.

So…

Earlier today on the way to Yorkdale for cheap T-shirts I stopped off at the St. Clair West subway station to check out a new local fashion phenom — which would have been a total waste of time, if not for the scruffy-looking dude at the top of the escalator asking for money to get on the train.

On my way back into the station I witnessed a kind-hearted soul dump a pile of coins into his outstretched hand, and judging by his repeated thank-yous it seemed to me that the guy had scored enough cash for an adult TTC fare — no small feat these days, I might add! Further evidence that the gentlemen was now subway-bound: he started down the escalator directly behind me, waving thanks again to his benefactor as he stepped onto the moving staircase.

But a funny thing happened when I got to the turnstile… Buddy was no longer behind me! Acting on a hunch, I retraced my steps back to the top of the escalator leading to the north side of St. Clair Avenue, then underground to the other entrance on the south side of the street. And lo and behold, here was the man of the hour, soliciting change for subway with the same sob story. He even had the nerve to ask me for some. Again!

Instead I politely asked him why he wasn’t on the platform, since it seemed to me from his last transaction that he had everything he needed to be there. He held out his hand with a sad menagerie of pennies and nickels, clearly not the booty I had seen bestowed upon him a minute before. Plus, if he didn’t have enough cash for a subway fare, why pick that exact moment to switch locations? Logic would dictate that his first perch was the lucky one, so he should stay there, right?

Of course in the heat of the moment I wasn’t at all clever enough to articulate any of this. Instead I mustered up my best Clint Eastwood voice and told him it would be an unfortunate thing if he was scamming people.

At this moment he easily could’ve taken a swing at me or worse, something I really must remember when I put myself into these situations; instead he says to me: “I bet this makes your day, doesn’t it… Wandering around subway stations, harassing people.”

This would be an example of irony, perhaps?

I offered to pay his full fare, provided that he accompany me through the turnstile. He agreed, and we shared a bit of an awkward walk back to the fare box. And the thank-you I got as we parted ways somehow didn’t seem as heartfelt as the one I’d seem him dole out earlier.

As I got on the subway myself (in the opposite direction, thankfully) I gave a lot of thought to exactly what I had accomplished here. Here’s my best attempt at an explanation:

For me, there’s certainly nothing wrong with charity — and I speak from some experience here. But I have a big, big problem with any unscrupulous soul who flat-out lies to unsuspecting citizens and rewards their charity with robbery. I also think that I’m within my rights to do some occasional fact-checking should a situation arise that deserves it. Just knowing that nosy people like me are out there might give one of these scam-artists pause for thought before putting hat in hand to rip people off.

Or maybe I’m way out of line, sticking my nose into business that’s clearly not mine, or as the saying goes “kicking people when they’re already down”.

What do you think?

"Captain, I've found something..."

Kudos to BBC World’s Click for news of an unexpected potential security threat to your mobile phone:

Bluetooth headsets rely on the phone to transmit radio waves to the earpiece. But they are vulnerable. That two-way connection can also be a gateway into your handset.

Using free software that’s readily available on the web, it’s possible for someone to hijack the Bluetooth connection between your headset and handset and use it to extract all kinds of data from your phone, including your address book, calendar events and maybe even your bank account passwords that you’ve stored on that handy unencrypted text file!

So if you insist on wearing this ridiculous accessory in public the rest of us now know that, in fact, you’re every bit as retarded as you look…

One asshat to beam up!

Longtime readers of my previous blog will remember that I lampooned the whole concept of the holiday letter back in 2004. I mean, come on people… How narcissistic do you have to be to send out a holiday card stuffed a photocopied scrap of paper detailing all the wonderful things you’ve done over the past year? Isn’t the whole point of a card to wish someone well, and to let them know you’re thinking of them? Am I right? Can I get a “hell, yeah”?!

Thankfully only two guilty parties have affronted my inbox in this way, but they both run so afoul of Christmas spirit that I must, as a public service, pass on their transgressions to you…

Tip #1: Stay “On Message”

I got an email from someone I worked with this past year, whose bulk holiday greeting kicks off like this:

Merry Christmas! Hope you’ve got great plans for the holiday season. Here’s what happened to me in 2006…

… And continues on with stuff about himself for twenty-five paragraphs!

Even more insulting is that he liberally drops names of his friends into the story of his life — I suppose to encourage readers to comb through the dreck and see if they were worthy of a mention therein. Even if I had made the cut that wouldn’t have stopped me from forwarding the email and having a good laugh with the two talented actors this guy has made miserable. What an asshole.

Tip #2: Remember Your Audience

The second bulk greeting came in the form of a link to another generic communiqué, this one on a web page. I’m too much of a chicken-shit to provide a link, as someday she may Google her way to this very post.

If that’s the case and you’re reading this, here’s something you may not have thought of when you uploaded that thing: The only reason I know you is through your ex-husband, so if you send me to a page where you go on and on about what a bastard he is of course I’m going to forward it to him. And if you make me choose sides, well… I guess you lose.

And by the way, instead of bemoaning the fact that you’re single how about you take another look at the stuff you wrote about your ex? Maybe you’ll find some answers there.

And on that note, here’s wishing you a safe and happy holiday letter-free holiday, and all the best for 007!

Just when I thought I’d have nothing to blog about today…

So I’m waiting in line at The Shopper’s Drug Mart in The Eaton Centre when over at the next cashier this guy turns around and starts having words with the woman immediately behind him. Apparently she was in his “personal space”, though by the way he was acting he certainly didn’t seem the touchy-feely type. In fact, everything about his body language suggested that he was about to hit her, right in the middle of a crowded drug store!

Next thing I know I’ve wedged myself in between the two of them, and am telling the guy that there’s no reason for him to raise his voice to a fellow human being like this.

He says: “What business is this of yours?”

I say: “I’m making it my business.”

He says: “You want to discuss this outside?”

I say (somewhat ironically): “No, I want you to learn some fucking manners!”

At guess at this point he realizes that everyone in the front of the store is looking at him, so he mutters something under his breath and backs away.

I would have had a nice little moment of self-satisfaction as the cashier, the would-be victim and somebody else behind me gave me props for doing the right thing, except that my hand was clearly shaking as I pulled out my wallet to pay for my purchase.

Every so often I reflect on my good fortune of having avoided all manner of fisticuffs during my 40-plus years on this planet. But I fear that jerks like this, who I’ll bet went straight home after this incident to beat on his wife, are going to break that streak sooner rather than later.

So I’ve got two questions for you tough guys out there:

1. Once you’re stuck in a fight what’s the quickest way to end it?
2. How do you stop those damn shakes, or at least hide them so nobody can see?

Maybe this is old news, but my blood still boils as much as the day I first read this editardial from self-proclaimed tech-guru John C. Dvorak.

Nowhere in it is there any acknowledgement of mobile phone users doing anything other than talking on their handsets. Have you not noticed, Mr. Dvorak, that even the “boorish businessmen” you write about are more often bumping into each other while staring at their BlackBerry screens than “yakking on the cell phone”? And while you yanks are generally more prone to talking than using your handset’s data services, how can you ignore your ever-increasing use of text messaging and the fact that the data-centric Sidekick is one of the best-selling handsets in your country?

I can’t believe that people get paid to write such useless, uninformed crap—unless Dvorak’s column is merely a placeholder for online ads, which it most surely is. Well, if you can’t beat ‘em…

Folks, you know what I really hate? Ethnic food! It smells bad, the people who make it smell bad and it makes the people who eat it smell bad too… Fuck!

There, now give me a thousand bucks…

Thankfully, all is not lost for our elder generations; we can take heart that not all old people are as useless as John C. Dvorak.