Pet3rs: The Complete 3rd Season

I’m not making excuses here, but four things have conspired to keep me from blogging this week:

1. A new cat (actually a kitten) who’s thrown my daily schedule into disarray;
2. A new handset I’m waiting on from Nokia’s WOM World;
3. A new online service, also from Nokia, that I’m trying to get working;
4. The new Pet3rs revue!

Pet3rs: The Complete 3rd Season showcases some of what I think is the best work yet from this talented trio of Currie Conservatory Alumni. You’ve got only four chances this month to catch this show — yes, we’re well aware that the Film Festival is in town, but despite what the title suggests the Pet3rs show is not coming to DVD anytime soon, so come on out before it’s gone!

Now that I’m officially a Nokia Ambassador I’m happy to report that my trusty E61i more than proved it’s worth on my three-hour return trip home to Toronto from Bermuda yesterday.

Seated beside me on that flight was a kid on his first flight ever – and he was travelling alone! I felt bad for the brave little guy for the fact that we were on an older aircraft that didn’t have an individual entertainment centre for every single seat, so I offered up my Nokia to help him pass the time.

He spent about half an hour on S-tris alone, and after he told me that he had a modded Xbox in his knapsack as carry-on I figured he could handle the Nintendo games on my emulators from Vampent. I guessed correctly.

Towards the end of the flight I even powered up Nokia Maps for a quick geography lesson (the difference between New York City and New York State).

Will this newly-crowned international jet-setter choose an S60 device for his first mobile when the day comes? Here’s hoping…

The actors in (A Winter Tale) have lived this life and it shows. It is a powerful and intense drama – bitter and tragic, funny and hopeful – with a jolting climax that points to a possible cleansing.

… Not to totally give away the ending or anything — sheesh!

For me, any movie where Toronto doesn’t have to masquerade as some generic city in the US and A is a good thing. And while the storytelling in this urban drama is maybe a bit unsophisticated, you can’t deny that it’s a story that needs to be told.

Whether or not you are a fan of classical music, you will be swept away by (conductor Peter Oundjian’s) passion for the music and his total dedication to the cause of the TSO.

Agreed. I can’t believe that Five Days in September dates back to 2005 and I’m just hearing about Peter Oundjian now… Shame on you, Toronto media!

So my Conservatory Class’s grad show was a big success on Sunday, and we owe it all to my expert selection of pre-show music!

Of course I’m kidding, but I do take my house tunes very seriously and thought it might be worthwhile to publish a list of the tracks with their reasons for being there. Each track name links directly to the iTunes Music Store, where available… So if nothing else, you can check out some artists you may not have heard of before!

1. Sea World by The Phoenix Foundation. “Enter a magical realm where the rules of banality no longer apply…” As incredibly gay-tarded as that sounds it’s generally the idea here, to have the audience enter the theatre to the sounds of a slightly off-putting instrumental, letting them know that they’re in for something unusual. This track, by the way, is from Eagle vs. Shark, the perfect date movie which I haven’t yet found the perfect date for. I’m working on it.
2. Vulture Kisses by So So Modern. Where the first track clears the air, the insane odd-time signature chorus in this synth-punk number sends the not so subtle message to the audience that they won’t be spoon fed easy laughs, but are going to be challenged. So So Modern, like The Phoenix Foundation, is another band from New Zealand. Their CD was playing in a Wellington music store when I was there last summer and I bought it on the spot.
3. The Looks by MSTRKRFT. The subliminal message here would be something to the effect of: “How will you possibly be able to resist us when we are clearly so fucking bad-ass?” So now, with all our cards on the table, we set off down the road to build the energy for the Act One curtain call.
4. Archaeologists by Wintersleep. A driving groove, sloppy drum fills and Canadian content, all present and accounted for.
5. Bodysnatchers by Radiohead. You need at least one Radiohead track to appease all the rock snobs in the crowd, and this one got the nod.
6. Away From Here by The Enemy. Nothing wrong with a tasty little anti-establishment anthem, is there?
7. Lydia by Dog Day. A good track and my bad attempt at affirmative action. I realized at this point that the playlist was lacking in female vocalists, and this one seemed like the best fit to the mix, despite having only backing female vocals.
8. Under the Underground Water by Telefauna. How this quirky band of Montrealers manages to rock out with a drum machine is beyond me, but it works!
9. Nighthawks by Two Hours Traffic. A quick tempo and twangy guitars worked the audience into a fever pitch. Didn’t it?
10. Julianna by Bend Sister. Some retro glam-rock bravura for the penultimate track before Act One.
11. September / The Joker by Fatboy Slim. This was a last-minute choice — for me it was a defining moment of the movie Babel but on its own didn’t seem like enough of a remix to save me from dating myself. I hemmed and hawed but ended up keeping it as a schmaltzy pre-curtain tip of the hat to the time my class and I have spent together since last autumn. Awww…
12. The Wishes Pile Up by Jim Bryson. Getting out of Act One into the intermission can be tricky — you don’t want to eclipse the energy of the closing scene but you don’t want some dirgy-ass ballad to bring things down either. I don’t really get what “roots” music is, but this roots track by Jim Bryson worked perfectly.
13. My Moon My Man (Boyz Noise Remix) by Feist. Grrl power but not some recycled iPod TV ad music, oh no no no… The music snobs in the crowd will be having none of that!
14. Starlight – Young Heart Attack. On it’s own this knock-off of The Who’s Won’t Get Fooled Again is pure cheese. But as a lead-in a CSI: Miami parody it is the stuff of genius.
15. Someone Else’s Problem by JJ Appleton. A parting tongue-in-cheek jab at the cast. It played as the house lights came up at the end of the show. But as they were too busy getting accolades from friends and family, nobody seemed to be paying attention to the lyrics.

It’s specific enough that I couldn’t guarantee it to produce the same results anywhere else, but this very playlist got us a standing ovation at The Second City last Sunday afternoon — although I suppose a talented cast, solid material and a house packed in our favour also had something to do with it…

Forgive me for my single post this week; I’m finding that all my free time is being directed towards the Conservatory Grad Show that’s going up on the Mainstage this Sunday. Details can be read off the poster or by clicking through to the Second City site proper.

Hope to see you there, and I’ll be back to blogging next week!

Here’s a last-minute plug for a very worthy event in downtown Toronto tomorrow, courtesy of my superstar financial advisor…

… Are you concerned that the companies you spend money with don’t reflect your values?

… Are you worried about Canadian mining companies’ impact on the environment and their actions overseas, or even in our own country?

… Are you feeling helpless in this age of globalization, and are unsure where to turn?

Join us for a day of energy and activism as we bring together a wide array of specialists to discuss and promote human rights in business.

As a participant, you’ll hear from two expert panels:

1. Leaders in the field of Socially Responsible Investment
2. People with direct experience and perspectives on Business, Human Rights, and the environment.

You’ll also have the opportunity to explore some areas in more depth in a smaller group, and will learn about these issues in a keynote address from a well-known speaker. By the end of the day you will be empowered, and will have a clear direction on how you can personally take action against companies that don’t align with your personal values.

From the micro to the macro: An exploration of how our money—through investing and taxes—creates ripples; and whether or not it supports human rights and the environment. Presented by Amnesty International’s Business and Human Rights group.

Saturday, February 9, 2008, 9:30 am – 4:00 pm
Metro Hall, 55 John Street, Toronto
Keynote speaker: Bruce Cox, Executive Director of Greenpeace Canada
Lunch will be provided
Cost: Free! Registration fees are being supported by various sponsors (to be announced).

Space is limited, so register today!
To register please e-mail: business@aito.ca

There’s something in the air at MacWorld Expo 2008… Who cares? I’m launching a new video site!

ComedyOnHand is an online attempt at what I tried to do offline with Second Cine back in the day — to prop up the fine work of local comedians and video artists to the world at large. I’ve seen a lot of great performances and shorts posted on MyFace and the like, but as these are closed systems there is no way for the general public to see them!

So starting today, you’ll be treated to the finest in Toronto comedy hand-picked by yours truly. The inaugural video features some familiar faces from the Neutrino Video Project… Check it out right here!

To understand where I’m coming from with today’s post you first need to understand why I no longer give change to homeless people…

Back in a previous life a bunch of my friends came to see me perform at The Second City, and on our way to drinks afterwards through the quiet streets of Toronto’s financial district we were suddenly besieged by a rather distraught man in suit and tie, freaking out because he had locked his wallet in his car and had no way of getting home. Now with this being the era preceding the ubiquity of mobile phones it seemed like a plausible enough story, so we all dug deep and between the five or so of us the guy made off with at least twenty bucks.

I say “made off with” because later that same week I witnessed the very same man in the very same suit spinning the very same bullshit tale to passers-by in broad daylight. Instantly realizing that my friends and I had been duped, I ran up to the guy and tore a strip off of him — verbally, of course. And ever since that day I’ve been wary of anyone asking for change.

So…

Earlier today on the way to Yorkdale for cheap T-shirts I stopped off at the St. Clair West subway station to check out a new local fashion phenom — which would have been a total waste of time, if not for the scruffy-looking dude at the top of the escalator asking for money to get on the train.

On my way back into the station I witnessed a kind-hearted soul dump a pile of coins into his outstretched hand, and judging by his repeated thank-yous it seemed to me that the guy had scored enough cash for an adult TTC fare — no small feat these days, I might add! Further evidence that the gentlemen was now subway-bound: he started down the escalator directly behind me, waving thanks again to his benefactor as he stepped onto the moving staircase.

But a funny thing happened when I got to the turnstile… Buddy was no longer behind me! Acting on a hunch, I retraced my steps back to the top of the escalator leading to the north side of St. Clair Avenue, then underground to the other entrance on the south side of the street. And lo and behold, here was the man of the hour, soliciting change for subway with the same sob story. He even had the nerve to ask me for some. Again!

Instead I politely asked him why he wasn’t on the platform, since it seemed to me from his last transaction that he had everything he needed to be there. He held out his hand with a sad menagerie of pennies and nickels, clearly not the booty I had seen bestowed upon him a minute before. Plus, if he didn’t have enough cash for a subway fare, why pick that exact moment to switch locations? Logic would dictate that his first perch was the lucky one, so he should stay there, right?

Of course in the heat of the moment I wasn’t at all clever enough to articulate any of this. Instead I mustered up my best Clint Eastwood voice and told him it would be an unfortunate thing if he was scamming people.

At this moment he easily could’ve taken a swing at me or worse, something I really must remember when I put myself into these situations; instead he says to me: “I bet this makes your day, doesn’t it… Wandering around subway stations, harassing people.”

This would be an example of irony, perhaps?

I offered to pay his full fare, provided that he accompany me through the turnstile. He agreed, and we shared a bit of an awkward walk back to the fare box. And the thank-you I got as we parted ways somehow didn’t seem as heartfelt as the one I’d seem him dole out earlier.

As I got on the subway myself (in the opposite direction, thankfully) I gave a lot of thought to exactly what I had accomplished here. Here’s my best attempt at an explanation:

For me, there’s certainly nothing wrong with charity — and I speak from some experience here. But I have a big, big problem with any unscrupulous soul who flat-out lies to unsuspecting citizens and rewards their charity with robbery. I also think that I’m within my rights to do some occasional fact-checking should a situation arise that deserves it. Just knowing that nosy people like me are out there might give one of these scam-artists pause for thought before putting hat in hand to rip people off.

Or maybe I’m way out of line, sticking my nose into business that’s clearly not mine, or as the saying goes “kicking people when they’re already down”.

What do you think?

(Speaker’s Corner today — closed for renovation, or possibly forever?)

Well, I’m an idiot… Last year around this time Al Howell sent me a congratulatory text on the 10-year anniversary of our first Speaker’s Corner broadcast as The Devil’s Advocates. I quickly corrected him, thinking that we started our Satanic shtick in 1997, but I was wrong. So, um… Happy 11th Anniversary, Al!

Ten years ago today the Devils had already achieved some notoriety and were busy criss-crossing Southwestern Ontario playing mostly lunchtime shows in the cafeterias of Community Colleges and Universities, then at night storming the stages of downtown comedy clubs to critique the other acts on the bill, à-la Speaker’s Corner. The club act was a stroke of genius; because we had to go on at the end to deconstruct the acts that came before us we automatically headlined every gig we played. The college show format — straight-up improv and pretty much games — was born out of necessity, because we couldn’t possibly roll into another town and be expected to know all the local goings-on. This also proved to be valuable training for the 80 episodes of Improv Heaven & Hell we would start taping the following year.

IH&H was a fantastic experience and one of those rare, proud moments where Al and I were able to work with some of our closest friends and colleagues. The Devils, however, had gone from a TV audience of some 300,000 Speaker’s Corner viewers in Southern Ontario alone to a national Comedy Network audience only 60,000 strong. And so after two seasons we were done.

In the time since Mr. Howell has parlayed his talents into a successful writing career for Comedy Inc. and This Hour Has 22 Minutes, while I’ve bounced back and forth between sporadic bursts of international touring, directing, filmmaking, even drumming?! Looks like someone has commitment issues…

Rather than a long walk down memory lane consider this a quick glance back, and before eyes once again face front I’ll leave you with a bit of Devils trivia:

1. Best gig ever – being paid an obscene amount of money by Microsoft Canada to unveil Internet Explorer 4 (!) at a downtown nightclub.
2. Worst gig ever – Al will probably say Sault Ste. Marie (the second time) but I’ll give the nod to Centennial College Bell Campus (now the Centre for Creative Communications), only because there was a point during the lunchtime show where someone came up to us from the audience who we thought was a volunteer for an improv game, but in fact she only wanted to microwave her soup.
3. Last TV appearance – on U8TV’s the Lofters (ugh). I remember looking at a laptop in front of me while we were on air showing some yutz in a chatroom repeatedly typing “Say my name out loud… Say it!”

Image courtesy of www.lolsecretz.com

While flipping channels the other night I came across an alarming bit of news from — of all places — the CP24 show Animal Housecalls. It seems that anyone wishing to adopt a cat from the Toronto Humane Society is contractually obligated to keep it indoors, which is tantamount to cruelty if you ask me.

Any outdoor cat owner will tell you that all felines have a deep instinctual need to define a patrol a territory far bigger than your average one-bedroom apartment, and contrary to what you’d think they also enjoy an active social life with other members of their species. Don’t believe me? Check out photographic proof from the famous Mr. Lee CatCam!

By locking your cat indoors you take all this away, and more often than not you end up with a diabetic monstrosity like the one pictured above, simply because your poor kitty has nothing else to fill its day with other than food.

To be clear I’m not condoning neglect — having an outdoor cat doesn’t mean that you deny your animal entry when it’s done doing whatever it is that cats do. And if you’re worried about “what the cat dragged in” you can take comfort in the fact that at least your animal is getting some much-needed exercise.

This contract clause (no pun intended) is certainly going to keep me from adopting a Humane Society cat, and really, the only justification for it that I can think of would be to appease non-cat owners who might otherwise sue over the occasional bird carcass in their backyard. These folks might also benefit from more time outdoors and less time inside on the phone complaining…

UPDATE (September, 2008): For proof that I’ve made good on my word, click here.